The Time Factor

I am currently entering a seemingly strange and bizarre world of inbetweenness (is that an actual word?) I was sitting listening to a sermon at St. Barnabas this morning all about their 5 year vision - which has been the theme for the last 3 weeks. It slowly began to dawn on me that I wouldn't be around for the realisation of that 5 year plan and then felt quite detached from it and switched off from the sermon and my mind began wandering... My entire life here suddenly feels like everything is in limbo. My involvement in anything is not half-hearted, but knowing I cannot fully contribute to any long-term plan is actually quite frustrating. So far I have taken on quite a bit in terms of activities, but don't seem to have as much gusto as in the past.

I am volunteering at Isaac's school one morning a week and I've been on two school trips with them as well! I felt I wanted to do this on several levels - it's good to get to know Isaac's classmates and teacher, I enjoy working with children (hearing readers is not the most stimulating of activities though!)and all experience is good for future career moves! I don't feel really involved though, however I was offered a job this week in Yr 1 as a 1:1 TA(the perfect job) - which is frustrating in itself as it has implications on state benefits and Diocesan grants and might not be financially viable (so I am supposed to have my career in limbo for these two years it would seem!)

SPICE (Ridley Hall Spouses group)in itself is no too bad because everyone is in the same boat, except that some are only here for 1, 2 or 3 years so you find yourself gravitating towards people with 2 years to go - which may exclude some great friendships with others. I have become involved with one of the worship teams at Ridley which is great, but there are many teams and you only get to play twice a term and so doesn't really lead to great bonding with the other team members - maybe it's just early days on that one?

I've also started going to a Cafe Church called Thirst held at Isaac's school on a Friday morning and am planning to join some of them for a twice monthly bible study too, so far it's been different people every week (apart from those running it) so no great chance yet to build relationships.

I am so grateful for my old friends Lorna and Beccy who I have been able to spend time with without needing to start from the beginning, but they already had their lives here and I don't want to rely too much on them, but man is it good when we do get together for lunch or coffee and you can really be yourself again!

I guess I'm feeling a bit lonely and miss my friends back home - people who know me well and understand me!! The frustrating thing is that it takes time to build relationships and time is something I don't have and maybe it feels a little bit false to make friendships too quickly. I think I'm missing having relationships with a bit of meat to them, relationships are skeletal so far. So I've invited all the SPICE members to coffee tomorrow in the hope of getting to know them better! As yet I don't have any new friends who just drop by or who I could drop in on for a chat.

There are so many opportunities here for an Ordinands wife: meeting new people and varied activities to try, but I feel I don't have enough time to see any real fruits from those relationships. It would actually be really easy to spend these two years alone and in limbo - suspended from all normal relationships until we move again in 20 months time. Then I will face the barrier of being 'The Curate's Wife' when trying to build relationships wherever we end up!

I'm off home at 1/2 term where I can be me!